Words and Deeds

A commenter at Pandagon says:

My own parents . . . would no more use the phrase "African American" than they would eat dirt. Their polite word is "Negro," and their more typical one is the one I refuse to write. Still, my father won several awards from the black students' association at the college where he taught and my mother got a citation from the NAACP in our county for her work supporting black-owned businesses as a loan officer.

I'm sure you know many people who are the opposite, who are very, perhaps even exaggeratedly, careful about the terms they use when talking about other races—but have appalling attitudes. So, is it more important to talk the talk or walk the walk, and without saying the n-word isn't so bad or anyone should get a pass on it, is it as important to police its use in people like, well, like Karen's mother? I certainly accept the idea that the terminology is an element that goes into coloring one's attitudes, but I don't think it determines them. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the presumption that someone who uses the n-word is a racist, but what does one do if the rest of the evidence says otherwise?

Comments

[belledame222]

I think the underlying problem is empathy, or the lack thereof. Sure, someone who's simply not been around (fill in your population) so much may blunder and make a faux pas; that is etiquette. and once the tears and recriminations are out of the way, assuming all parties are basically sane and decent people, communications can still continue and improve.

but if someone is telling you directly, "Look, don't call me/us this," and you keep insisting on calling 'em what -you- want to call 'em, on account of (fill in your justification): you know what, that's actually symptomatic of a deeper problem than "used wrong word."

as for the above-cited example...egh, hard to know. it sounds like the parentals have one face in public and another in private. the fact that they're apparently racist in private doesn't wipe out their good deeds, no; but knowing this about them would not make me particularly eager to trust them, much less get to know them, I have to say.

but yeah, generally, in the reverse situation (i.e. people who very carefully avoid overtly racist terms but act appallingly--and probably speak in code, you know), sure: "by their fruits you will know them."