Delusions of Mediocrity

Born On Whatever Day It Was

It seems the War on Christmas has apparently found a new target: Independence Day.

You see, people keep calling it "Fourth of July," and that won't do. After all, Wikipedia lists 50 separate events, not counting births or deaths, that occurred on July 4th. And that's just the English-language edition¹. People who merely celebrate July Fourth could be observing anything: Lou Gehrig's retirement, the canonization of St. Ulrich of Augsburg, the Battle of Hattin, etc. Some partisans might be ignoring the rest of the United States and noting only that Providence, R.I., was formed on July 4, 1636.

In fact, some people setting off fireworks in your very town might well have been celebrating a step backwards for freedom, the 1712 quashing of a slave uprising in New York.

Not that "Independence Day" doesn't have its own problems. There are 192 countries in the world, most of which have declared independence from someone at some point. Indeed, three countries -- Cape Verde, Algeria, and Venezuela -- celebrate their independence on July 5th.

Maybe the best name would be "Most Wonderful Country In The World Day." No controversy there.

¹As of 9:27 A.M. Eastern. One of the listed events is the U.S. bicentennial.

Resolved: People should stop freely assembling

It seems Congress has passed a resolution condemning the press, in response to Swift.

What's next, a resolution condemning voters for voting?

Just some good old boys, never meanin' no harm

Like worms that come to the surface after a spring rain, so do conservatives always appear to defend young, wealthy white men who are accused of rape, as in the case of William Kennedy Smith, Alex Kelly, and now a goodly portion of Duke University's lacrosse team. The wagons have circled, my friends, and you can all but compose the soundbites yourselves: these are fine young men from good homes who would never do such a thing, the morals of the "victim" must be questioned, it's a shame that so many lives have to be ruined for what was most likely a misunderstanding, and, my personal favorite, let us not apply such a inflammatory term as "rape" to what amounts to nothing more than a "youthful indiscretion." The mud in the case of the Duke students is especially thick and slimy, being that the alleged victim is a black stripper, hired to entertained the accused at their frat house. Rush "Mr. Class" Limbaugh referred to her as "ho" during a broadcast, which is to be expected, but as this post at Alas! A Blog1 shows, there are more rational-minded people who are going so far as to dissect the 911 calls made the night of the incident to disprove the accusation. Everybody wants to play Special Victims Unit, which is a fun game to be sure, except that a lot of it seems to be done merely to prove the commonly held belief that rape is a largely meaningless term that women throw around when they get the notion to fuck up some innocent guy's life. The fact that Duke, a privately run institution, chose to punish the alleged attackers by ending the lacrosse season early is especially creating a tizzy, with complaints that their rights to be innocent until proven guilty are being violated, rendering them victims of the vast racist conspiracy against young white men.

David Yeagley of FrontPage wrote an especially ugly, venomous tirade on the case, managing to espouse an astounding number of cliches, including:

~~Strippers aren't good mothers. While he doesn't say this specifically, he does curiously put the word "mother" in quotes when describing the alleged victim, as if there's some question there.

~~White men are at the mercy of lying, opportunistic blacks all the time.

~~Because some of the young men in the frat house were under 21 and drinking, they cannot be held responsible for their actions.

~~Despite being outnumbered forty to two, the alleged victim and a friend, who apparently left before the attack took place, should have been in full control of the situation, simply because they were older.

~~The fact that the alleged victim left the frat house at one point and then came back proves that a rape didn't take place.

~~None of it matters anyway, because you can't rape a stripper.

Given how often Yeagley mentions the alleged victim's race (the word "black" is used fourteen times in an eleven paragraph article, and never to describe the color of somebody's clothing), and referring to her as "a party girl" who is "not a person of note," "expected to do tricks for clients," and "showed less maturity than a six year-old," it seems like he has a personal beef to get out of his system here. Perhaps somebody got stood up on prom night, quite possibly by the president of his high school's Black Enterpreneurs Club.

One wonders how much pity Yeagley will maintain for the poor oppressed Duke students when he catches wind of an e-mail sent after the incident by one of the accused, Ryan McFadyen2, in which he claims that the next time he is the presence of strippers he will kill and skin them "while cumming in my duke issue spandex." But hey, boys say stupid things, he probably didn't mean anything by it.

Please be forewarned, the Smoking Gun link contains a graphic police report of the incident, and may be triggering to sexual assault victims.

1. With thanks to Pandagon for providing the links.

2. Who, if I can make my own racist, sexist judgment in the spirit of David Yeagley, looks exactly like the type of person I'd expect would do this kind of thing.

Feel-good story for April 5

Why go to Thailand when in Atlanta you speak the language?

Your feel-good story of the day for 3/30

From MSNBC...

Mom pimps son to pedophile neighbor for $600

I'm going to reserve comment here, lest I start incorporating such phrases as "mandatory life sentence" and "forced sterilization."

Interred With Their Bones

I've been thinking about my own mortality. I realize this is a strange pastime for someone who's not yet 30.

Specifically, I've been thinking about what should happen to my remains. I want to be cut up and parceled out, watching House as gotten me thinking it might be nice to be used for research -- although, as I'll get to in a moment, it's not me per se, just my corpse. For once everyone's finished with me, though, I've been looking into "green burial."

Which isn't.

Green burial sounds like a great idea. The trouble is that they still bury you in a remembrance garden or whatever, only under a tree instead of in a concrete vault under a block of stone. The environmental problem with traditional burial, however, isn't granite. It's ptomolatry. We as a culture have decreed that once the rotting organic matter that used to be someone's loved one is put under a patch of dirt, that patch of dirt is barred from any practical use without end forever and ever amen.

Well, shit, I'm useless enough now. At least I should be able to give something back after I'm gone. That's why I want to be sliced up for parts or reverse-engineered or both. And then I want to be returned to nature. I'm only organic material. Right now I may be thinking, feeling organic material, complete with will and agency and personality -- all of which some would attribute to a soul, and I can't prove them wrong -- but at some point I won't think, I won't feel, I'll have no will, I'll have no agency, and I'll have no personality. I will be a collection of organs, a 100%1 accurate (well, almost) model of human anatomy, a bunch of molecules with carbon in. And just as we as a society have a use for organs and for accurate models of human anatomy, nature has a use for molecules with carbon in.

I see no reason to deprive it of them.

This just in: feminists ruin sex, eat puppies

I was a terrible science student in high school, but even my feeble memory can recall Newton's Third Law, that of every action having an equal and opposite reaction. Thus, the modern feminist movement has spawned a small but vocal group of women who want the men of the world to know that they're not like the rest of us, if for no other reason than to ensure that they'll still get dates. Because, really, men don't actually like women who stand up for themselves, they just say they do so they'll get laid more often.

Providing a good example as to why navigating the blogosphere is sometimes akin to crossing a snake-infested minefield blindfolded while juggling glass balls filled with nitroglycerine, "Raven" at And Rightly So! posted a grammatically poor, astoundingly self-contradictory rant on how feminists have only themselves to blame for unsatisfactory sex, pornography, and the media's unrealistic view of women's bodies.

"Feminism was supposed to free women from outdated and demeaning gender stereotypes; to empower us as people and put us on a more equal footing with men. Yet now, when women have more education, money, and power than ever before, we seem to have surrendered to the very culture we once viewed as oppressive and sexist. Have we finally transcended sexism and if so, why aren’t men jumping on the same bandwagon?

Okay, that's a pretty good start, "Raven." However, a solid start quickly gives way to a whole lot of "whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?" navelgazing about why feminists make lousy lovers because they care about having the occasional orgasm, with a healthy side order of completely made-up statistics and a mind-blowing lack of awareness of your own body to go with it.

Breast enlargement, vaginal tightening (rejuevenation), labia nip and tucks, pubic hair shaving/waxing (some women actually use stencils to make fancy designs)…butt lifts, vaginal lip scultpuring surgeries…you name it, it can be done. For a relatively small price.

Alas, my health insurance steadfastly refuses to cover pubic hair shaving. Damn patriarchal bastards.

Feminists don’t want women to need men. So much has been written about the mysterious clitoral orgasm that the true, really exquisite and uttery amazing orgasm we CAN experience with a MAN is almost unheard of.

Actually, there's nothing mysterious at all about a clitoral orgasm. You appears to be confusing it for a g-spot orgasm, something that far more books have been written and advice given about, simply because it is factually proven to be more difficult to achieve than a clitoral orgasm. Oh, and it also can be achieved with a female partner, but this passage here clearly shows you're not aware of that...

Lesbian sex sucks- because they cannot replicate the really good sex that only a man and a woman can create. You won’t hear about this in modern magazines though. Or from a feminsist.

Well, you might hear it from a feminsist. A feminist, on the other hand, as well as anybody who's given more than fifteen seconds of thought to how certain things might be done differently than the way they do it, would tell you that entire businesses flourish on selling items that can simulate penetrative sex. Hey, did you know that sometimes heterosexual couples use those items as well, not just to simulate but enhance the experience. Doesn't that just blow your fucking mind?

Another lasting effect of the feminist movement (and this has gotten me into trouble here before) is the expectation upon women to always have an orgasm…when so many do NOT. They FAKE it though. Upwards of 90% of women do this on a regular basis. I would like to say that it is the feminists who do the faking most the time but I have no actual proof of that. I am pretty sure it’s a fact though.

Well, I'm pretty sure it's a fact that Polly-O string cheese is the greatest food ever invented, and that Scott Stapp is the son of Satan, but that doesn't mean it's accurate. I believe, and again, let's keep in mind that "lies, damn lies, and statistics" mindset here, that the actual number of women who admit to faking orgasm is probably somewhere around 40 to 55%. Lack of orgasm can be attributed not just to lack of skill or interest on the male partner's behalf, but to anxiety, depression, various other health issues, side effects of certain medications, and because your body just doesn't feel like having one sometimes.

They have good teachers though: Hollywood movies with the steamy sex scenes, porn, magazine articles. Women are expected to have a good time every time because men know what they are doing right? Who cares if the man has been lied to about his ability and skill. Who cares if every woman he has ever been with FAKED it. It’s a nasty secret that just about every woman will deny til she drops dead. But it is fact and we all know it.

If you can explain yourself a little more clearly and without adding such statements as "it's a fact and you know it" to something that cannot be proven, I'll send you one shiny nickel and a coupon for a free cup of coffee at McDonald's. What is the nasty secret that we'll supposedly take to our graves, that women fake orgasms on occasion? I'm fairly certain most intelligent, emotionally mature men are aware of that, and while they surely hope that it hasn't happened to them, are probably resigned to the fact that it likely has once or twice. Yet, somehow feminists are to blame for both men being bad in bed, and for men not knowing they're bad in bed. How do you figure that women are so concerned with their own pleasure that they fail to tell their partners how to please them? You want to know who cares if every woman a man has been with has faked her orgasm? I'll tell you: not me. That is literally his fucking problem, for being both bad in bed and getting involved with women who refuse to discuss sexual issues. That's not fall-out from the feminist movement, that's residual repression from the Victorian era up until the 1950s, where women were not supposed to acknowledge that they had their own sexual needs, and the clitoral orgasm was indeed just as mysterious as the g-spot.

We are expected to go along with the lies and falshoods or else WE are seen as having a problem. We’re COLD. Something is wrong with US. Bull shit! It’s the big LIE of feminsim. All the porn and slutty ads we see on the TV and in magazines set us up, women, to be failures. It creates confidence problems. It creates realtionships that are depended upon porn as a jump start for sex. The average woman cannot compete with the plastic Barbies of the porn world. The average woman doesn’t look like a bulemia-induced skin and bones super model. And the average woman shouldn’t even try to live up to those (very low) standards.

Okay, now here, after several paragraphs of inane blather, is where you start to make a little sense, "Raven." Granted, noting the media as the reason why so many women have poor self-images isn't exactly a cutting-edge observation. I'd like to know about this "feminsim" you speak of that is responsible for the media perpetrating those images. Someone should really stop that.

My boobs are not huge but they are real; my vagina isn’t a cherry but it’s quite capable to bringing a man to the best orgasm he’s ever had (because I know how to use IT right LOL)

A hint for future posts, "Raven": people tend to take you a little more seriously as a politically-oriented blogger when you don't resort to inserting some reference to how hot you think you are, and inserting tired old chatspeak. Also, thanks for letting me know that you're using your vagina correctly, as I've been using mine to store loose change.

I’m not self centered enough to actually look at my labia and lips and wonder……Is this good enough???

Indeed, because it's so narcissistic to be aware of what your body looks like and how it works. Men love that, it makes them feel so in control of the situation.

I like me as I am. I wouldn’t change me for anyone. And if I’m not good enough for some men, it’s their loss- not mine.

Right on, that's a very feminist statement to end your rant on, "Raven." Maybe not feminsist, but still.

Why Solomon is unwise

Fulminators are fulminating about the recent Supreme Court decision upholding the Solomon Amendment, which requires schools to put out if the government buys them dinner requires schools that receive Federal funding to allow military recruiters on campus.

The Solomon Act represents a fundamental shift in how the role of government is seen in the post-New Deal era. At least since the FDR years, government has been concerned with the general welfare. Recently, however, federal spending has been done on a business model -- "what do we get for the money?" Many editorialists take the position that the government is buying access for military recruiters. In fact, according to the Court, schools have to let military recruiters on campus even if they wouldn't allow other organizations that discriminate against uncloseted homosexuals:

Your feel-good story of the day no. 3

http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/398238p-337342c.html

13 year-old Natasha Browne disappeared near her Jersey City home on the way to school Monday morning. Though she sent a series of text messages to her mother pleading for help, area police are not yet considering the girl a kidnapping victim or placing an Amber Alert.

Jersey City Police Chief Robert Troy said the case was being taken seriously. But when asked if it could be a hoax, he said, "There's a lot of possibilities."

You know, I'm not a trained police detective, but I have watched a lot of Law and Order, and I can only come up with two possibilities: one, she's playing a really elaborate trick on everyone, or two, she really was thrown in the back of a truck and driven towards New York, as her final text message, received Monday night, claimed. Even if the cops get off their racist, elitist asses and finally put out an Amber Alert, it's not likely that it's going to do any good, as the effectiveness rate of an alert significantly decreases within just 48 hours of the disappearance. Meanwhile, we're still getting inundated with stories about the disappearance Natalee Holloway, a rich, blonde, white adult, and occasional followups on Elizabeth Smart, a rich, blonde, white teenager who was kidnapped by a transient her parents hired to work on their house. I'm just sayin'.

Blog Against Sexism Day: Property

Judith Martin, the etiquette columnist, once fielded a question about how a pregnant woman ought to react when strangers place their hands on her abdomen.

More recently, a pregnant woman's position was eliminated. That this should be a coincidence sounds improbable enough on its own, but she worked at a golf course. Where she was a golf pro¹. Her erstwhile manager intimated that being a golf pro was incompatible with motherhood. The New York Post reports that she'd said she saved the woman the drive:

Incredibly, de Beus later boasted she'd done McDonald "a favor" -- noting that McDonald would "no longer have to make the drive to and from the club every day," the suit claims.

And, of course, women are barred from certain Olympic sports lest they damage their reproductive systems.